Blogisode 12: F*** your Love Story
"My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it's missing, and what's there stinks."
— Joan Rivers
Ah February! It's that time of the year where all of the restaurants, theaters and food joints are filled couples and families, and you're left binging random shows on YouTube, and Netflix. If it isn't obvious enough from the title, I hate couples. I. HATE. COUPLES. All the snuggling, toying around surroundings, and hogging of space, what's to enjoy in that?
But RaGoPi, what's life without love? The journey gets better once you find somehow that syncs with your life force, and that's the beauty of the remaining journey.
Have you ever been at an instance, that because of certain people enjoying their time together, with their 'motivational kindled partnership', and you end up in the short end of things? Me, plenty of times. Shoving all that joy and playfulness right in my face, while I figuratively stand in the middle of a burning house. But maybe, I'm just overthinking it. Surely, I can just ignore it, and well, mind my own business. I mean probably, I could, but when it's way obvious in front of your face.....
IT'S FRIGGIN ANNOYING!
Trying to justify that you're living the most extravagant Bollywood musical to date, thereby rationalizing the clinches of 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, you guys are so AMAZE<3'. Building the idea of the imaginary necessity of 'COUPLE GOALS'.
You sound stupid. Why do you think that way?
I'm glad you asked. Somehow, someway this whole 'couples trap' followed me for years. And the following are just a few examples:-
1. Flashback all the way to 2009. Times were simple back then. Less complicated subjects, and whenever there were, you always had tutions. Even for subjects, you never thought that would have tutions. So this incident takes place during my French tutions. It mostly consisted of kids from my school. Now, I was a smart kid then; good marks, grades, low morale self esteem, you name it. Thus generally being labeled as 'One of the guys to copy from'.
So one fine day, we had a random practice test, where we were randomly seats. I got the not so lucky opportunity of sitting between two individuals. Being the stereotypical geek, I was all in to the test, but ears all open to the conversation going on in the middle. So the conversation goes more or less in the following lines:
A: So what happened in school A.
B: Oh you know, *Enter typical middle school talk*
A: So what're you doing after tutions.
B: Nothing. You?
A: Same. Want to go to XYZ after this?
B: *Blushes*. Sure, why not?
A: *Continues flirting*
.........10 minutes later...........
B: We should really do something about this test. You got the answer to this question?
A: No, didn't start yet. But, we've got RaGoPi in between us. He'll help out.
Me in my head: *WTF*
So basically, I'm just a guy who'll give you answers, so that the tution teacher leaves you early, and you can go to the burger joint with your partner, hope that everything works out just fine and Happy Ever After.
Eventually, fate did have his way, and they're a couple. And how do I know this? From the tons of PDA on social media. All this, and these two still can't reply back to a 'Hey' message today.
2. It's 2014. The beginning of the end of school life. The school farewell was a few days away, so I dusted off my dad's old suit. I thought it would be a good time to bring my camera to school for the first time.
BIG MISTAKE.
After all the song-dance numbers and lunch, the open ground was crowded with people taking photos, selfies and videos. So, as the guy with the camera, I took the usual snaps of my friends and photos alongside teachers. But, being in the formal suit look, I wanted to have a solo picture. Everyone wanted one; which they would later share on Facebook under their new profile picture.
So I see a guy ask me for a picture in the middle, and I vouch for middle deal: I take one of you, then you take one of me. Sigh, and the following are both the photos:
3. Second year of college. That's when you enter into your core subject, or so I thought.
With a few days left for the Elecronics Lab exam, (for a department that barely dealt with anything involving wires and breadboards). So after the last minute cramming of whatever was possible, I walked in to the venue, where like a game of choosing the shortest straw. And as my luck would have it, I got the most difficult one.
FUDGE
So as i went to my table, and saw the complex set up, I thought I was going to fail. And as if an angel was brought down from heaven, a lab assistant walks in and starts helping everyone with their experiment!
So as she was walking across tables, helping everyone who seemed in need, I started flailing. Calling out all sorts of life support, if it meant I was to pass this exam. And just as she was about to come to my table and help, ENTER THIS NOSY MOTHERFUDGER LAB ASSISTANT.
This guy, literally stopped her midway and goes:
'Relax, I got this. You've been walking a lot, take a break.'
And then starts roasting the s*** out of me, for not knowing what wire to put where.
I start cursing this guy in my head, as see him flinging with the helpful lab assistant.Eventually, she starts coming about for another of helping others. And then when I thought that things were turning around, this guy walks in and
' Hey, I think we should leave. DEF ma'am says we shouldn't disturb them, it's an exam after all.'
And so the both of them left. With five minutes left, I do whatever I could, and I thought I was done for. Eventually, things seem to work out that I had just passed. But this whole incident seem to mark a resemblance for the remnant of my college life.
4. It's the annual cultural festival of the campus, and I was one of the deputy managers of my team handling the venue, and slots for the various members of the team, all under the shelter of a gazebo. Enter X.
X: Hey. Could you find another substitute for this, I have something important at that time.
Me: What's that?
X: *Some random program*
Me: Okay, cool. I'll try to find to find someone.
Later that day, as I went to check on the venue for a couple dance workshop. I spot X, and her partner. Shying away from my face, I understood the 'something important'. I would find that later on due to some coincidences, I found myself involved in the workshop.
So, after my bumbling set of moves, I rushed back to the gazebo to handle slots. The next day, after striking some arrangements with the coordinates, eventually I had to manage one half of the event. And later as the event ended, as I headed back to the gazebo, I notice X and her hubby, joyously roaming about the food stalls. Guess dancing does tend to stress over a few days.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, at this point most of you might think that I'm some kind of anti-love kind of guy. I'm honestly not all against couples. The idea of two people who make joy work out for each other, despite what the world offers them. In a way, it bestows hope for whats to come in our lives later (which is ironic, since it's coming from me typing it out). But it's when the idea that the couple are the two most important people in the room, that grinds my gears. Indirectly (and sometimes directly) pointing out, that us singletons don't matter at all in a discussion. Thus further upending the idea that singles are either:
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**
So after a long hibernation, I'm back to pen a new page in the Chronicles Of Random. Probably a bad attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. And on the inglorious occasion of Valentine's day too, how could I not? So, incase I ever managed to offend anyone while reading, please don't, it's meant to be satire.
Over the course of past few months, I was working on some posts on this blogs, when certain situations happened which were beyond my control. Would probably address them sooner or later, along with the other set of posts that are likely to be penned.
I find it kind of weird that that I talk about my opinion of why couples suck on the occasion of Valentine's day, but I guess it'll be a conversation starter I suppose. You could say, I was inspired by the number of times I had to wait in line for something, while a pair got their way. Probably could've made it better in another draft, but I'll work on improving it later on.
Now, as the usual post ending goes. For all those who managed to spare their precious time of scrolling through their phones/laptops, and read this. Thanks a billion.
And as always, appreci8 that feedback :)
Спасибо и хорошего дня впереди
Dull McDummy Face
— Joan Rivers
Ah February! It's that time of the year where all of the restaurants, theaters and food joints are filled couples and families, and you're left binging random shows on YouTube, and Netflix. If it isn't obvious enough from the title, I hate couples. I. HATE. COUPLES. All the snuggling, toying around surroundings, and hogging of space, what's to enjoy in that?
But RaGoPi, what's life without love? The journey gets better once you find somehow that syncs with your life force, and that's the beauty of the remaining journey.
Have you ever been at an instance, that because of certain people enjoying their time together, with their 'motivational kindled partnership', and you end up in the short end of things? Me, plenty of times. Shoving all that joy and playfulness right in my face, while I figuratively stand in the middle of a burning house. But maybe, I'm just overthinking it. Surely, I can just ignore it, and well, mind my own business. I mean probably, I could, but when it's way obvious in front of your face.....
IT'S FRIGGIN ANNOYING!
Trying to justify that you're living the most extravagant Bollywood musical to date, thereby rationalizing the clinches of 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, you guys are so AMAZE<3'. Building the idea of the imaginary necessity of 'COUPLE GOALS'.
You sound stupid. Why do you think that way?
I'm glad you asked. Somehow, someway this whole 'couples trap' followed me for years. And the following are just a few examples:-
1. Flashback all the way to 2009. Times were simple back then. Less complicated subjects, and whenever there were, you always had tutions. Even for subjects, you never thought that would have tutions. So this incident takes place during my French tutions. It mostly consisted of kids from my school. Now, I was a smart kid then; good marks, grades, low morale self esteem, you name it. Thus generally being labeled as 'One of the guys to copy from'.
So one fine day, we had a random practice test, where we were randomly seats. I got the not so lucky opportunity of sitting between two individuals. Being the stereotypical geek, I was all in to the test, but ears all open to the conversation going on in the middle. So the conversation goes more or less in the following lines:
A: So what happened in school A.
B: Oh you know, *Enter typical middle school talk*
A: So what're you doing after tutions.
B: Nothing. You?
A: Same. Want to go to XYZ after this?
B: *Blushes*. Sure, why not?
A: *Continues flirting*
.........10 minutes later...........
B: We should really do something about this test. You got the answer to this question?
A: No, didn't start yet. But, we've got RaGoPi in between us. He'll help out.
Me in my head: *WTF*
So basically, I'm just a guy who'll give you answers, so that the tution teacher leaves you early, and you can go to the burger joint with your partner, hope that everything works out just fine and Happy Ever After.
Eventually, fate did have his way, and they're a couple. And how do I know this? From the tons of PDA on social media. All this, and these two still can't reply back to a 'Hey' message today.
2. It's 2014. The beginning of the end of school life. The school farewell was a few days away, so I dusted off my dad's old suit. I thought it would be a good time to bring my camera to school for the first time.
BIG MISTAKE.
After all the song-dance numbers and lunch, the open ground was crowded with people taking photos, selfies and videos. So, as the guy with the camera, I took the usual snaps of my friends and photos alongside teachers. But, being in the formal suit look, I wanted to have a solo picture. Everyone wanted one; which they would later share on Facebook under their new profile picture.
So I see a guy ask me for a picture in the middle, and I vouch for middle deal: I take one of you, then you take one of me. Sigh, and the following are both the photos:
 |
| Some random couple on Google images, that looked like the guy I'm talking about (Cause Privacy of Identity) |
 |
| Actual photo of what the guy took |
3. Second year of college. That's when you enter into your core subject, or so I thought.
With a few days left for the Elecronics Lab exam, (for a department that barely dealt with anything involving wires and breadboards). So after the last minute cramming of whatever was possible, I walked in to the venue, where like a game of choosing the shortest straw. And as my luck would have it, I got the most difficult one.
FUDGE
So as i went to my table, and saw the complex set up, I thought I was going to fail. And as if an angel was brought down from heaven, a lab assistant walks in and starts helping everyone with their experiment!
So as she was walking across tables, helping everyone who seemed in need, I started flailing. Calling out all sorts of life support, if it meant I was to pass this exam. And just as she was about to come to my table and help, ENTER THIS NOSY MOTHERFUDGER LAB ASSISTANT.
This guy, literally stopped her midway and goes:
'Relax, I got this. You've been walking a lot, take a break.'
And then starts roasting the s*** out of me, for not knowing what wire to put where.
I start cursing this guy in my head, as see him flinging with the helpful lab assistant.Eventually, she starts coming about for another of helping others. And then when I thought that things were turning around, this guy walks in and
' Hey, I think we should leave. DEF ma'am says we shouldn't disturb them, it's an exam after all.'
And so the both of them left. With five minutes left, I do whatever I could, and I thought I was done for. Eventually, things seem to work out that I had just passed. But this whole incident seem to mark a resemblance for the remnant of my college life.
4. It's the annual cultural festival of the campus, and I was one of the deputy managers of my team handling the venue, and slots for the various members of the team, all under the shelter of a gazebo. Enter X.
X: Hey. Could you find another substitute for this, I have something important at that time.
Me: What's that?
X: *Some random program*
Me: Okay, cool. I'll try to find to find someone.
Later that day, as I went to check on the venue for a couple dance workshop. I spot X, and her partner. Shying away from my face, I understood the 'something important'. I would find that later on due to some coincidences, I found myself involved in the workshop.
So, after my bumbling set of moves, I rushed back to the gazebo to handle slots. The next day, after striking some arrangements with the coordinates, eventually I had to manage one half of the event. And later as the event ended, as I headed back to the gazebo, I notice X and her hubby, joyously roaming about the food stalls. Guess dancing does tend to stress over a few days.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, at this point most of you might think that I'm some kind of anti-love kind of guy. I'm honestly not all against couples. The idea of two people who make joy work out for each other, despite what the world offers them. In a way, it bestows hope for whats to come in our lives later (which is ironic, since it's coming from me typing it out). But it's when the idea that the couple are the two most important people in the room, that grinds my gears. Indirectly (and sometimes directly) pointing out, that us singletons don't matter at all in a discussion. Thus further upending the idea that singles are either:
- Creepy stalkers who's sole intention is to start off a fling.
- Nervous searching for The One
- Players that keep dangling between individuals, using all the dating apps out there, and finding new fish in the sea, cause he/she is a stud.
Me personally, I hate that this is pretty much the norm, cause I believe I belong to neither of these cases. Probably each of us singletonians. we have a personal belief as to why we are, and well that's great. To each his own. Like me, I probably could define my own case as: guy who just wants to talk to random people, so that he doesn't resort to typing things out on a blog that no-one reads.
But well that's me. And who knows, probably a few years down the line, while looking up at my old writings, I'll be at this paragraph here, and I'll probably be wondering: I sound like a massive idiot.
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**
So after a long hibernation, I'm back to pen a new page in the Chronicles Of Random. Probably a bad attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. And on the inglorious occasion of Valentine's day too, how could I not? So, incase I ever managed to offend anyone while reading, please don't, it's meant to be satire.
Over the course of past few months, I was working on some posts on this blogs, when certain situations happened which were beyond my control. Would probably address them sooner or later, along with the other set of posts that are likely to be penned.
I find it kind of weird that that I talk about my opinion of why couples suck on the occasion of Valentine's day, but I guess it'll be a conversation starter I suppose. You could say, I was inspired by the number of times I had to wait in line for something, while a pair got their way. Probably could've made it better in another draft, but I'll work on improving it later on.
Now, as the usual post ending goes. For all those who managed to spare their precious time of scrolling through their phones/laptops, and read this. Thanks a billion.
And as always, appreci8 that feedback :)
Спасибо и хорошего дня впереди
Dull McDummy Face
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