Blogisode 15: It's Still Real To Me Dammit!

"You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Samoa Joe and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another wrestler, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beating me. Then you add Kurt Angle to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because Kurt Angle KNOWS he can't beat me and he's not even gonna try!

So Samoa Joe, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. See Joe, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice."
-Scott Steiner




If I were to ask you, what's the one thing that you enjoyed as a child from one aspect only to rewatch it years later with a newer, more refined way? Some would say re-watching old movies they loved as a kid or re-reading old books/comics. For me, it's wrestling.

Not the expected, hard-hitting fights of the UFC or the Olympics, but the good old fashioned 'Sports Entertainment' filled world of Professional Wrestling.

Pfft Professional Wrestling? Really? You mean stuff like the WWE and all? You do know that's fake right.

Yes, I still watch wrestling and yes, just like all the coolest things we all hope for, it's not real. Coming back to the point in mind, as a child, just like everyone else (I hope), I loved watching WWE. Watching TEN Sports every Monday and Friday, to watch people with the coolest sounding names like Edge, John Cena, Triple H, The Undertaker and The Great Khali (well, if you're Indian atleast) go at it. Jumping from top ropes, hitting each other with chairs, over the top finishing moves, you name it, everything seemed way too cool and honestly wanted to replicate when you were a kid. Heck, I was such a fanboy that I eagerly pushed my parents to book the PPV events and their video games (I almost had every Smackdown vs Raw game on the PS2 :D).

Over a point in time, I lost interest in wrestling for two reasons; one, studies paved way for less time I got to watch TV and sadly I didn't get TEN Sports anymore, and two, as more people got to know it was fake, mocking others who were fanboying over it was the cool thing to do.

As time passed on, and when there wasn't any interesting things going on at the time, I randomly browsed through some old wrestling matches I enjoyed as a kid, I realized the weirdest thing. Wrestling is an art, and it has everything.

Compelling storyline - check; Memorable characters - check; Comedy - check; Drama - check; Heart-pounding action and thrills - CHECK.

From enjoying these athletes fighting each other out cause it was a cool thing as a kid, I became more and more invested in the storylines each match showcased. Take these for example:

A wrestling icon of one generation faces a star of the current generation. The Rock vs John Cena at Wrestlemania 28.

 An under-rated fan favorite, going against all odds against the head honcho of the corporation to get a chance to face both of the corporation's preferred image of the brand for who holds the right to be deemed as the 'WWE World Heavyweight Champion'.

Two wrestling legends, one with a heavy legacy of championship glory, fan favoritism and high profile matches and the other with an infamous streak that raved fantasies and fanatics alike as it grew year upon year. Clash of the egos, it was one's career against one's streak.

 

Classic tales such as David v Goliath, Student vs The Master, Sibling Rivalry, double-crosses and these are just a few of the storylines that lie in this cornucopia-tic world of Professional Wrestling. Storylines that are weaved continuously on must-see TV involving real-life angles, showcasing hits and misses, enthralling promos, engaging the fans and only after months of serious build-up, squaring it off at the grandest stage of them all for a memorable finale.

Hmm cool, but I really don't see many people actually invested in watching this? It seems more for kids to be frank.

There's a reason why it's been on TV for more than 30 years without any breaks. With an average viewcount of over 600,000 viewers in the US alone, not every single person in the crowd is a kid. I mean sure, a few of the storylines seem too childish, but there's a bit of fun in watching these ironically. Apart from storylines, I believe some watch it for the fights, some watch it to see these athletes fly, and some for other reasons. But if you really want to know whats one of the biggest reasons fans above the age of 20 are still invested?

Curious? The crowds pop and everyone's reaction explains everything.

Okay, it sounds cool, but why should I really be invested in it? It honestly seems like some big, sweaty men with some abs just beefing it out for some plain belt. 

Sure, if you asked someone who hasn't seen Professional Wrestling in a long time about how the current world heavyweight champion, you would probably picture someone well built with a Herculean body with the lack of a personality. And well, for the moment you're right. But look back over the ages of the last five wrestlers who've held the most prestigious world titles, you'll see athletes of all shapes and sizes with charismatic profiles, the kind you will rarely see in movies and TV shows.

Infact, most of these athletes are good old fashioned geeks like me, who play games. read comic books, watch anime, etc. And it's not always such a phallus fest. It was only last year when one of the biggest wrestling events had an all-female main event closing the entire show.

If you sound vaguely interested yet, just wait till I talk about just a few of the most unusual characters and their gimmicks.

• Bray Wyatt/The Fiend: A modern-day wrestling Mr. Rogers/Guy from Blues clues with a  deep dark alter ego out for revenge on those who conned him over in his past. 

• Mick Foley/Mankind/Dude Love/Cactus Jack: A hardcore wrestler who's sacrificed bone, blood and more for this craft. Jumping off cages, taking several chair headshots on a single night, being speared onto a burning table, and these are just a few of the light-hearted stunts he's been a part of. Funfact: He wrestled as all three of his personas in one night.

• Orange Cassidy: One of the most unstoppable wrestlers in the world right now that destroys all his competitors. It's a pity to all those who faces his wrath. 

• Joey Ryan: The King Of Dong Style, need anything else for back-story? Watch this.

And besides storylines, and characters, wrestling offers some extensive, and rather 'interesting' words to their own terminologies such as work, shoot, face, heel, spots, botches to name a few. Wrestling truly indeed has become something outside the bleak ideas of punching and kicking.

Hmm, sounds interesting. But most of the storylines seem stupid, it seems only a few of them are good or genuinely interesting.

Just as the number of movies that release every year, there are only a few good ones that compel to go to the theatre, there are only some genuinely interesting storylines that are compelling. Just like everyone's favorite Maggi flavor, storylines tend to vary from person to person. Some of my favorite wrestling storylines/promos that have happened over the decade include Daniel Bryan vs The Authority, CM Punk: Best In The World, Punk's Pipebomb.

But if one were to look outside these on TV stories, some of the backstage work shoot incidents are actually quite captivating. As on-camera, these athletes come out in character trying not to break kayfabe, but backstage they go back to their real-life personas, and in some cases, that's when real hard-hitting storylines happen. Take the case of the Montreal Screwjob, where the champion intentionally gets screwed over off-script by the chairman on live television for the whole world to see, revealing the secrets of the business. One of the first double-crosses ever recorded that was never ever planned.

Or take the case of the Von Erichs, a 2nd generation family of wrestlers, that is dubbed as one of the 'Most Cursed Wrestling Family'.

While on TV interesting or not, some of the stories of these athletes, cameramen, referees, backstage creative producers are some of the most riveting stories that rarely get told but should. In fact, some of these backstage stories inspire some oscar contenders we've seen today such as The Wrestler and Fighting With My Family, and some of the most underrated documentaries like WWE 24, and Dark Side Of The Ring.

Hmm, that's pretty cool.

Great to hear that fictional voice I made.

Look, we're living in a weird time right now with COVID-19 and self-quarantine, so everyone's gotten a bit cuckoo right now. But with amongst everything getting postponed or canceled right now, for some surprising reason, wrestling is still active right now! And it's honestly one of the most surreal things happening on TV right now; Wrestling and no fans.

And in amongst this craziness, the more crazier thing that's happening right now is that WWE is still going ahead with their biggest pay-per-view of the year, Wrestlemania. And at the time of writing, it happened last week.

Picture a season finale of your favorite TV show without any background music, and missing one of your favorite characters, and that's what it feels like is going to happen. And imagine what it's going to be for these superstars to walk into an empty room with an entrance theme when usually they walked out of stages like these.

But in an industry, which changes decisions on the fly, knowing that this is happening, for some stupid reason, it makes me more excited and intrigued about what's going to happen. How they're going to finish certain storylines? how are they handle the evident silence? and how are they going to close the show? Because one thing is for sure, this was going to be one of the most must-see things for wrestling marks like me. And boy, did it deliver.

While the silence did help emphasize certain fights, this years Wreslemania was all about moments. It had everything from the guy getting the girl, several redemption arcs, a long due championship, two actual cinematic matches, a match that reminded me of Logan, a David Lynch level physicalogical match and a whole bunch of memes.

In fact, if you ever feel bored and ever feel something surprisingly entertaining and yet uncalled for, watch the #BoneyardMatch that happened over the weekend.

And while my point isn't to review the entire show at the moment, I guess this tweet seems apt to describe it.

Now, while I can hope that I may or may not have incited a small interest in professional wrestling to you, why did I spend months thinking about writing and a week, trying to speed write this? If self-quarantines has taught me anything, it's reliving and relooking at all the things I loved in the past. And  while I probably couldn't completely explain my renewed interest in this fake sport, about all the times I'm going to hear "It's Fake", wrestling is an art. It takes you away from your boring lonesome life rooting for people in weird situations which for some reason you're hooked into. It's something that keeps weaving an endless tale that seemlessly moves from one chapter to another. It brings about real life superheroics in this crazy world. Have I completely explained my point? No. Why? Cause wrestling isn't wrestling, it's more than that.

Thank you for attending my TED talk :)

-Dull Mc Dummy Face