Blogisode 9: Epilogue

'And in real life endings aren't always neat, whether they're happy endings, or whether they're sad endings.'
-Stephen King

It’s a weird feeling letting a thing go, isn’t it? After being attached to something for so long, it seems to become an integral part of your being. Something like that, was college.

It’s been close to a month since college ended, and since then it’s been a hefty few weeks reflecting upon the past four years. Four years, forty-one months, and nearly thousand four hundred days (that's about two million, sixteen thousand, five hundred and fifty three minutes, I did the math) of it. There’s this saying that goes, that ‘Time passes very quickly, and these years will go quick, just like that’, but in my opinion, I don’t feel the same about this line. I remember close to every minute spent. Every moment of joy, amusement, anger, modesty, hope, anxiety, pain and sadness (well most of them). And here’s the tale of my last month in college.

April 12th:

Waking up by the harsh knock on my door, I opened to someone asking me, 'Hey ra, do you have a shampoo?'. It was ethnic day, or in other words, the last day in a campus classroom. As a momentous occasion marking the end of four years spent there, everyone was expected to wear ethnic or something fancy. So handing the guy, my shampoo, woke up realizing I had two hours to get ready.

After arriving to the classroom, the image of the years past, entered the mindset. And as the last class ended, most of us spread across the hall looking past rooms, seeing old friends and took pictures, a whole lot of pictures.

The evening later, going through social media, a wide array of images showed up, some just as regular spam, some by those who rarely post stuff, and some with quirky statuses and comments. But the common trend lied here, #OLT. OLT, or in other words, One Last Time, a common trend that automatically syncs in amongst final years. While upon hearing, one may think it's sort of a cliched line, and yeah, I thought of it too, but nevertheless I joined in on the trend bandwagon (a little bit ashamed, but oh well).

April 21st:

The last of the farewell parties to be hosted. Organised by a bunch of juniors to make a night worth 'remembering'. While all the farewell parties held before had it's moments, it didn't seem to make sense to me, for various reasons.

• I never felt part of any group. While I did my best to take part in every activity, it didn't seem the same on the receiving end.
• Three farewells in (Four, but never got the invite for it, haha sigh), it felt mundane. The same old, what others thought about us, our experiences, a few games, and then of course, the senti-speech. 
• and after a bunch of these things, I just wanted it to get over (but after the free food, of course).

But along the way to the venue, it felt a little heavy that this was the last one, might as well make the best of it. And so, after a majorly cringy forty minutes, was when the show truly began, and well got to say, whole heatedly, it made me feel something, like I truly was a part of the group. And I can't just say this about myself, but it involved almost all of the final years present. With special category awards for us, some background borderline embarrassing stories about us, and a great dinner later, I left the day elated as ever. A feeling I never felt in a while.

April 22nd:

After a heavy dinner, and a heavy feeling of elation, I was awoken by a harsh knock that slowly faded away. Surprised that no-one rarely visits rooms this late at night, and more surprisingly, my room. Opening the door, I see a teary-eyed friend. Letting him in, I ask him what happened. 

'I couldn't sleep man, and when I started walking around the corridor, it felt empty. Like no-one was around'.

Attenuating to what he said, I could relate with it. Hell, anybody around the time could. And as much as I wanted to share a tear with him, I couldn't. Even though I related with almost every reason about his melancholy, it didn't share the same impact it did to me as it did him. So trying to cheer him up, even with impeding days left, it felt successful. And later to cope up with the awkward scenario, we both started watching random episodes of Community. Thank you Dan Harmon!

April 27th:

After staying off various online sources for the majority of the week, a overly hyped me, was active for what seemed to be a cinematic event of a lifetime, and what would appear to be the last movie as a college student. Avengers: Infinity War. Pushing my group to arrive in the theater, as early as possible. And as much as we tried, we were short by a few minutes, arriving just in time to see Heimdall killed of (Oops, Spoiler alert). During the interval, while roaming around the cinema hallway, I had come to realize that about 75% of the hall was NITT-ians. And of that 75%, a large bunch of them from final year.

So, as the movie ended, and most of us discussed about that cliffhanger of an ending, the gang was hungry. And along the way to food joint I promised the gang that would be delicious on a tight budget, one of my friends, asks another group to tag along. Being the courteous over-thinking person that I am, it felt as a extra load to make sure that both parties enjoyed the meal. And an enjoyable meal later, it felt great to know that everyone enjoyed it, and we all rushed there on to catch the bus back to campus. 

After catching a tightly packed bus back to campus, a conversation arose.

'So what's your favorite part in the film. Top 5?'. I asked someone from the other group. And then began a somewhat cherishable conversation. And to my notice, I was oddly surprised, someone who I hadn't spoken to over the three years, who I thought was uptight and who appeared as a stickler nonetheless, was actually a cool dude. So another addition to the small group of friends I have. 

May 4th:

May the fourth be with you. Midway through my final few exams, I went to the common college hangout spot, CCD, for some self reconciliation, a.k.a, Walawaladoodooki (Yeah I changed the meaning implied, but for context click here). And after an hour of reconciling (along with some coffee and sandwiches), I looked back upon the past mistakes, and well pretty much agreed I felt I was under-utilized (I'm a pessimist, woo-hoo).

Across the table, I hear a bunch of juniors complaining about the faculty, how annoying he was while grading, and their 'study plans' for the next semester. While I wished I could go back in time and sucker punch probably all the guys who led to my below average grade, I guess it shaped me to bounce back from difficulties, and yes, in a morally fashioned manner. And about 'study plans', that's a blog for another day. So while it sucked, these 'sucky' moments made me who I am, and for more or worse, it could shape the path. Cause four years ago, a naive version of me wouldn't able to survive a single day without proper meal, but look at me now, skipping two out of three meals in a day, didn't seem that half bad. (Bad motivation I know, but a change of form over the years), and very shy me back then evolved to a guy who is very much ready for a conversation (as long it applies in the receiving end too).

May 8th:

It finally ended! The last exam of B.Tech. Though it didn't seem the same, in my head, I was walking out of a battlefield against a backdrop of fireworks being shot up, with 'Bittersweet Symphony' playing in the background. To add to the mood, the rain started pouring heavily just as I made it to my hostel. An overly-energized hostel, for two reasons. One, the end of the exams. Two, NOSTALGIA, not the feeling, but the event.

In a campus filled with primarily final years, NOSTALGIA was the last event in campus for everyone to dress fancy and take pictures. So back in the hostel, lines were queuing up in the bathroom, sinks were clogged with hair follicles. So, after a good hours rest, and just being able to freshen up, I tucked in my formals, and put on my dad's old suit, and went to the venue. And just as I reached the venue, I noted three things. How ironic the guys who were wearing high end tuxedos, and haircuts just for one day, the fanciness of everyone's attire, and the fact I had no 'gangs' to hang out with through the rest of the four hours. So moving here and there, trying to join in all the snaps taken during, and after a hour, I was bored. So, as much as I wanted to leave, I stayed. And as dramatic as it may sound, there was load of mixed emotions through the rest of the three hours. Loneliness, modesty, temper, and a slight glimpse of joy. And oh, the food was great too.

May 12th: 

Amidst the final project review sessions, as a part of the process to leave campus, we had to fill forms, and tons of them. Each with it's sub-forms, and sub-sub-forms. But if you were found with an error in the dues (or they create an "error"), you have to submit a letter, getting it approved from the very-annoying oddly-periodic deans and managers, who request tons of proof for approval. And to get the approval, you need to pay some fines because "reasons", and print a crap ton of forty page questionnaires, when you don't have printing balance, which ironically enough, contain questions as 'Have the campus resources aided you?' and 'Has the course aided you?'. So by the time you're done with all these 'logical' formalities, you could've planned a peaceful night-out for a one day camp trip. In short, it's a figurative 'F*** you'before you leave campus :)

One of the errors that I was involved with was the fine to pay for room damage, as a result of posters (and maybe the painting as well). So, in an attempt to un-pay the fine, I started removing the posters one after another. Posters that were collected ever since arriving in Amber A 64, that became a part of who I was. A sort of knowable background about me, if you were to drop by into my room. One by one, as I started removing them, hearing the tape crease out of the wall, I could feel a small part of me die. And eighty posters later, the wall that once spoke more about me than I ever could, felt mum and dead (and full of paint removal marks). 

Before

After

May 17th:

After completing all the necessities and form to finally leave college, everything was at peace. A plan was made to leave completely devoid of any stress. So after hours of going through some stuff, as I was going out to dinner, I noticed a huge crowd assembling in front of a car. My old room-mate was leaving, and for a second it seemed like all the memories of first year were infront of me. And so it began I suppose, people were leaving. A few hours, a bus arrived, and a group of people (my room-mate included) left, and with each passing, another glimpse of every moment spent. And by the evening, nearly half the hostel was empty. 

May 18th:

The next day by the time I woke up, the hostel was surrounded by buses and cars. I got up, just in time to see, a couple of good friends leave, and there it was, the hostel was empty. It felt heavy to be alone at that moment, despite how short it was, but I was leaving tomorrow, so there wasn't that much for me to show about it. So after hours of sulking and YouTube videos, I went to the theater to watch Deadpool 2, and the awkwardness continued, as the venue that usually was jam packed with students from our college during any high end Hollywood venture, was usually empty. Though there were a few faces, it wasn't the same. So once the film got over, the three of us had dinner and went back to campus, and just as they went back to the hostel, I started walking around the empty campus. A place that despite probably cucking me way more than the average student here, was an interim home for the past four years. So after hours of walking through places........

May 19th: 

.....I found my way back to CCD for probably a final round of walawaladoodooki, and to join the session was a couple of juniors that I knew. So after hours of discussing weird incidents in campus, and tons of coffee, we all went back to my room to continue the session. And thus after another few hours of talking and along with some packing, and then next thing I knew, it was five in the morning, it was my time to go.

So as I got down and put my bags onto the car, and probably a moment that seemed just like the final scene in Scrubs (linked here, and do do DO watch it). After all said and done, and like I said before, I remember almost every second of it. Just as Inception, four years seemed as a lifetime (probably not wanting another redo on it). And with a content smile to an imaginary crowd, I leave.



**AUTHOR'S NOTE**
Crappy title, and weird obscure writing off-leading to here and there, right? So after several days of procrastinating, lazing off, dreams broken over, breakdown, deleting the content and re-writing it twice, and several other off shoot incidents, finally back at it in a while. About a month off from college, I'm pretty sulking here with thoughts about it. Though the bad things seem to outweigh the good, as cliched as it may sound, I wouldn't mind going back, to the good times that is (Not start again though, definitely NO), and imagine several what-if situations, to see the plausible outcomes of them.

So, for the few of you, who got around to read the whole post along with the videos, thanks a million. Though, I wanted to quit a few times here and there, I imagine there'll be a post that goes very enjoyable to a wide audience, so till then, imagination is key. And oh, in case for a mediocre surprise, here's a short slideshow about my various phases (non-narcissistic implications please) along with some embarrassing and weird images. Peace ✌.

As always, appreci8 that feedback :)

Rombo nanri

Dull McDummy Face